Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
