Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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