My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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