it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
