My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
