uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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