I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
