The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
