A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
