I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
