Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
