they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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