There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
