This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
