worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
