Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
