Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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