I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
