No awkward lesbian experiences without me
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
