He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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