Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
