she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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