Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
