the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
