When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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