is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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