my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
