I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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