Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Go christen that room with your naked body.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
