I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
