i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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