I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
