I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
