I just saw a hot homeless man
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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