Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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