you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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