I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
