Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
