Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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