help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Everything about him screamed your future.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
