I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
