It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Randomize
