in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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