Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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