To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
