Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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