Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think I sprained my soul last night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
