Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dick very happy bro
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
