i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
this just has baby written all over it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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