I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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