Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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