he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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