In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
