could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
