im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
